Pam's Miraculous Cancer Blog

May 20, 2008 - Long Time Since An Entry

2008-05-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened since my last entry, some great and some that was a bit disheartening. I'm sure I won't remember it all, but I promise I'll try to update this a little more regularly.

I continue to work part-time which has been a real blessing both emotionally and financially. In addition, the company I work for is extremely understanding of my physical constraints, particularly after I have had a chemo treatment.

Speaking of chemo, I had a CT scan late February which showed slight growth of my mets, so I am no longer taking the pill form of chemo, Xeloda, which I tolderated extremely well for almost 8 months. The oncologist has put my on an extremely aggressive form of chemo called FOLFORI, along with Erbitux. If you want more information on this regimen, you can google FOLFORI and Erbitux.

I have blood work coming up tomorrow with another CT scan on Thursday. Hopefully, this new regimen has done its job, because my body is getting tired of the onslaught of these toxic drugs over such a long period of time (over 17 months now). I believe these drugs have a cumulative effect as it seems to take longer to rebound after each treatment. My hair has thinned drastically, but so far it's still MY hair. I have a wig (donated by some dear friends) ready just in case. Erbitux is also known to cause a sometimes very unsightly acne-type rash on your face. My wonderful niece, Grace, has been prayerful about my hair and this rash. She's the best niece ever! So far the rash has been confined to the insides of my arms, sometimes the insides of my legs, but it is manageable and doesn't itch too bad.

In addition, when a group of my friends at The Andersons (my old employer) heard that I would be starting up on a new chemo "cocktail" they immediately went to work in coordinating home-cooked food to be brought in after my treatments. This has been an absolute God-send, as I am tired of eating restaurant food after treatments. There's normally about enough food here to last Mike and I about a week. It's working, too, as I have been able to maintain my weight, which is pretty unusual on chemo. I went from a low weight of 111 during my last round of infusion chemo last year to 129 pounds.

I also received a phone call from a nonprofit organization about a month ago. They had heard through a dear friend that we were in desperate need of a driveway which is an understatement. Our driveway had become merely a mud hole and we have not had the funds to pay for a stone driveway due to my limited income, my medical bills, and the outrageous amount we pay for group insurance through Mike's employer! Anyhow, these men spent a Friday evening and a Saturday here, and Mike and I now have a bonafide driveway! Whenever I look at it I'm amazed. We had a few friends and family members out for a "driveway party" on that Saturday, complete with Jeff's marvelous chicken!

Let's see -- what else? Oh, I spent 5 days in Las Vegas with a friend at the end of February. Enjoying the sun and warmer temperatures at that time of year was wonderful. I got to see my nephew Tony's home (it's quite nice) and he and Rachel treated my friend and I to dinner! The car rental agency upgraded us (complimentary) to a red Mustang convertible, too, so we felt like the Golden Girls on a trip. The frosting on the cake for that trip was that the airlines also upgraded us (complimentary) to first class for the red-eye back home. This was truly a God-send as I was SO tired that night, our plane had been delayed for a couple of hours, and I do not sleep well on planes. Well, I didn't get to enjoy much of the first class service as I fell asleep as the plane was taxiing on the runway and woke up when the pilot announced that we were just about to land in Detroit! It was a nice trip.

I'm sure I've left a lot of stuff out here, but I am going to post just a couple of pictures.

Love to all! I am so thankful for those who have prayed for my healing without ceasing. I think we're almost there!

February 1, 2008 - This is Cool

2008-02-01T05:51:00.001-08:00

Okay, due to the snowstorm that was in our forecast for today I moved my Avastin treatment to yesterday afternoon.

By the time I finished my treatment I was one of only 2 or 3 left in the chemo room. A nurse practitioner was shadowing my favorite chemo nurse yesterday and they eventually had time to chat (yesterday was a busy day up there as lots of folks had changed their appts. due to the snow forecast) Elaine and her "shadow" navigated over to my chair to chat and Elaine asked if I would share my story with the nurse practitioner about my "journey." So, I told her I had necrotizing fasciitis. When I began to show her my leg (as much as I could while wearing jeans) her eyes got huge. She asked me what hospital I was in when all of this "stuff" went on in 2006. When I told her her eyes filled with tears and she said "I was one of the nurses taking care of you in ICU. Do you remember me?" I had to say "no" (remember I was loony at the time due to ICU psychosis and tons of drugs. ) She said "do you remember anything?" I said that I didn't remember anything for the first 2-3 weeks of my stay in the hospital. She said "good, we did our job then. We didn't want you to remember the pain. It took four of us to do your dressing changes." So, we ended up sharing all that transpired then and how well I am doing now...comparatively. I got an opportunity to thank someone who had cared for me during my darkest hours. When I told her that nobody expected me to live at that time she said "you are right, we ALL thought you were going to die. You really ARE a miracle!" She was so amazed to see me walking and when I told her I was able to drive again she was shocked. She said "even after it appeared that you would live, they still thought they would have to take your leg."

Had I not moved my appointment up, it's likely I would never have seen this woman again because she works the midnight shift at the hospital. She also cared for Ronnie (the guy I spoke about last summer who died after being in a motorcycle accident on his way to church.) God does move in mysterious ways.

We had a very emotional time of sharing, thanking, and caring. Other than our conversation about Ronnie, it was a beautiful experience! She actually remembered Ronnie's wife's name and my sister (who stayed with Ronnie's family time for 5 entire days at the hospital) which is amazing because St. Vincent's is a very large hospital.

Other than the fact that I felt yucky when I got home (I even went to bed at 7:30 last night which is unheard of for me) it was a beautiful time to see a nurse who is still able to cry (and laugh) with you. She said she would never have known me as I look so different now. .

Well, I'm waiting for 8:00 so I can call my PCP to try to get a prescription for the UTI that I appeared to have picked up. The bacteria showed up on the urine culture while they were checking for protein in my urine (a normal test for folks on Avastin). I'm NOT going to the PCP's office today (it's about 18 miles for me on roads that have turned to ice) so I'll probably have to plead with him just to call in a prescription for something to treat the UTI.

I just wanted to share this with you all. It was a powerful encounter for both me AND the nurse(s). I'm sorry this is such a long entry, but it was such a heartwarming experience.

January 30, 2008

2008-01-30T08:15:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I haven't made an entry in two months! A lot has happened since my last entry in November. I'll try to think back. First of all, we were all able to gather as a family in my home for Thanksgiving this year, something we were not able to do last year. Everybody pitched in and it was a great day. Jeff looked at my plate and said "mom, why did you take so much food?" I told hime "because I can." We all had a great time. I have inserted a picture of Julie, Grace, and Robert making our family holiday treat -- dumplings! Robert is now our official "dumpling stirrer." How proud that little grandson of mine felt being able to help prepare our Thanksgiving dinner! God bless him and everybody else who helped me that day!

Okay, it's now the beginning of December and I've decided I'm ready to drive again! However, in order to do that it was imperative for me to get a vehicle that was more reliable. I had $5,000.00 to spend on a car. I searched over the internet on autotrader.com and was more than a little discouraged at the prices of used vehicles. This was on a Sunday afternoon. Sunday evening I sent out a prayer request to my sister, Julie, and my friend, Ranae, telling them about how much I felt I needed a car. Monday I did nothing about it. Tuesday morning I was showing Mike how expensive cars are when lo and behold a car in my price ranged popped up! This car was in my price range, had relatively low mileage on it, and it even was the same kind of car, a Malibu, as the one that met its final resting place in the mountains of Colorado when I was returning from Las Vegas in July, 2006. It's almost the same color, but it's two years newer. So I emailed the salesman who responded immediately. He drove out here with the car, my brother came over to check it out mechanically, and I made the decision to buy it. The salesman mentioned that I was very "lucky" as this car had just been marked down after close of business the night before from $8000.00 to $4995.00. I then explained to him how I don't believe in luck and the prayer request that had been issued just 2 nights prior. The salesman and I drove back to the dealership (I was behind the wheel of the car) and I got a chance to witness to him about my illness, my progress, etc. He was shocked. I have inserted a picture of me getting into my new wheels for the first time BY MYSELF to meet two dear friends for breakfast. I can't even begin to explain how good that felt! Seventeen months to be chauffered around for someone like me who is kind of independent is not easy! God is good!

Fast forward to December 17th. Now I've decided I want to work part time again doing transcription from home. So I went out to the message board from the school I had graduated and asked if they knew of anybody who was interested in hiring a part time transcriptionist whose skills were very rusty! Within an hour I had a private message from another graduate of the school I went to with a lead for a transcription company in southern California. Now this was ideal because it wasn't medical transcription, but regular transcription. As I stated before, my medical transcription skills are very rusty. I sent my resume to the manager of the transcription and I heard back from her within 15 minutes! Amazing! So, now I have a part time job to supplement my disability income. It is working out very well! I'll be able to save some money, travel a little bit more, and purchase a few things. We have been so strapped financially since I became ill -- this is HUGE for me! What a morale booster, too. For someone who has been employed for 40 years to be forced to basically just sit around is not easy.

December 24th -- all of the Dorans were here to celebrate Christmas Eve, again in our home. What a terrific feeling once again to do one of the things I love to do -- family celebrations in my home! Once again, everybody brought something to eat which gave me more time to focus on cleaning and decorating my home for Christmas.

Mike and I didn't have a Christmas tree last year. I was too weak and it was too much work. Boy, did it ever look pretty this year sitting there all lit up in my living room. I actually didn't take it down until a week and a half ago. We just enjoyed looking at it so much.

December 29th -- All of the Allens are here again for Christmas. Another beautiful moment in time. We laughed, we talked, we cooked, we thanked God for all he has done for all of us. I also had a picture of my nephew, Aaron, located in a prominent position in the tree. Aaron is proudly serving our country in the Marine Corps and was not able to be with us in body this year. We missed him terribly but he was here -- in our hearts. Of course my sister Julie -- you may not know it but she can be a rascal sometimes -- kept taking pictures on her cell phone and sending them to Aaron while we were all talking to him on the phone. Aaron said that we were cruel, but Julie just kept snapping away, smiling all the while.

I guess that's just about it for now. I wish I would have at least kept notes because so much has happened over the last two months -- all good!

I am going for a CT scan on February 22nd, so if you're reading this journal, please start to send the prayers up. I have been on chemotherapy continuously since mid December 2006 and it would be so wonderful to be able to take a break, or better yet be able to stop poisoning my body forever! I told Mike the other day, I feel so good that I can't even imagine how much energy I would have if I weren't taking chemo. So all of you prayer warriors, hopefully this time it's in God's timing for my healing. Thank you so much for your continued prayers on my behalf.

I'll try to post more regularly in the future.

November 25, 2007

2007-11-25T12:24:00.001-08:00

Well, November has been an interesting month! I'll start with the fun stuff first. We (Mike, mom, and I) left for a trip to Las Vegas for my nephew's wedding on November 8th. What can I say?! What a wonderful trip. Mike and I stayed at Fiesta Henderson and mom stayed with Debbie. Our room was very nice and best of all it was FREE! We did a little bit of gambling, but not much. Most of our time was spent participating in all of the various wedding festivities.

Friday night we attended the rehearsal dinner/party hosted by my best friend and soul sister, Debbie. The food was fantastic and so was the company. What can I say about Debbie -- just about everything! I don't know what I would do without her in my life. She has helped me out SO many times and she is always there for me. Our entire family owes her a debt of gratitude for all that she has been to Tony -- and all he has become because of her. She helped him grow into the fine adult that he is today. Debbie...thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Saturday was the wedding itself. We had never attended a Jewish wedding before and it was very interesting and quite beautiful. I have included a picture of me, mom, and Debbie with this post. The reception...WOW! The food, the atmosphere, the companionship were all superb! Thank you, Tony and Rachel, for letting us be a part of this.

Sunday was the wedding brunch held at the Bali Hai Golf Club at the south end of "The Strip". What a beautiful place! Once again, the food and fellowship were fantastic! After the brunch Mike and I headed down to spend two nights at Four Queens located on Fremont Street in downtown Las Vegas. The light shows were great! The U.S. Air Force has an entertainment group called "Tops In Blue". There was a free show on Sunday night on Fremont St. This group is absolutely fantastic! We couldn't stay for the entire show, though, as I guess me leg finally decided it had had enough and we had to call it a night. We did a little bit of gambling on Sunday and Monday, though not much. This was a wedding trip!

We returned home on Tuesday night. My leg held up real well during the entire trip (except for Sunday night) and I was "moving right along" keeping up with Mike and mom in the airport! The flight home was pretty scary, though, as there was a lot of turbulence on the plane for a while. I was wondering if we were going to end up in heaven!

Thursday morning Mike and I headed to the oncologist's office to find out the results of my CT scan. They were not what I had hoped, although the oncologist assured me that they were not bad and it was nothing to worry about (easy for him to say). The two tumors in my liver are stable, meaning there was no growth that could be measured. He said the tumor in my lung had grown from .5 cm to 1.4 cm. This came as quite a shock to me as the doctor had never told me before that I even had a tumor in my lung. I was really hoping for some better news as I really could use a break from chemotherapy. It has been nearly a year now since I started chemotherapy.

Starting this past Friday (the day after Thanksgiving), they have added Avastin to my current regimen of Xeloda pills. Avastin is not chemotherapy (Xeloda is). Avastin is a drug that is infused into your port which goes directly to the tumors and cuts off the blood supply so, ideally, the tumors will not grow and will die. I will go for the Avastin treatments every 2 weeks and will have a repeat CT scan in January.

In addition, my knee has been giving me a lot of problems since we returned. I called my primary care physician last Monday just to be sure he didn't want me to have an xray done. It is slowly getting better, though I am still walking with a cane so I can be less weightbearing on that leg.

We were able to have Thanksgiving here again this year, which has become our family tradition. I had hoped to do all of the cooking, but my knee kept me from doing it all. I called on family members (Julie and family, Jeff and Nancy) to help and their immediate response was "No problem. What time do you want us there?" Isn't family great?!

I have been suffering on and off with minor bouts of "the blues" due in part to the results of my CT scan, along with the pain in my knee and the fact that we saw the sun for the first time on Thursday since our return from vacation.

I would still ask for your prayers for me. I'm still determined to beat this disease and claim this miracle in full! It's hard for me to remember sometimes, though, that all of this is in God's timing and only He holds the answers to this journey I am on. So...specificially my prayer requests are for (1) that the next scan in late January would be CLEAN, and (2) that I would not get these minor cases of "the blues".

Please feel free to come and visit me. Company is a good thing. I'm usually at home during the day, but call first.

November 3, 2007

2007-11-03T04:41:00.000-07:00

Well, Thursday and Friday were fun. Thursday morning I went to St. Anne's for my bloodwork, and Friday morning I got to go back again for my routine CT scan. There was only one little "blip" in that they couldn't find my bloodwork. I didn't let my blood pressure rise, and all was well in a matter of minutes as the found it right away. The CT scan was a breeze and I was out of the hospital in less than hour. I will find out the results of the scan on November 15th when I go back to see my oncologist. For all of you who have been praying for me, please pray that this scan is "clean". Even though I am tolerating the Xeloda extremely well, I could really use a LONG (preferably forever) chemo break! Poison is poison and that's what any form of chemo is!

I'm looking outside right now at 7:45 a.m. and the sky is incredible. It is the beautiful dawn of a new day.

I'll be working the next few days tying up loose ends for our trip to Las Vegas on November 8th for my nephew's wedding. There will be lots of fun, lots of food, and lots of relaxation on the itinerary.

There is nothing else new. I'll post a picture of my new niece-in-law when I return.

Thanks again for all of your prayers. I feel good!

October 19, 2007

2007-10-19T08:24:00.001-07:00

There's nothing earth-shattering going on health-wise which is always a good thing. Last Friday Mike and I went to visit the nurses at St. Vincent's Hospital who so lovingly took care of me last year. It has been nearly a year since I left their care. Mike took a couple of pictures. Some of the nurses were not on shift that day. My physical therapist at the hospital, Sister Julie is also shown. Thank you, Burn Unit nurses, for the excellent care I received while I was your patient! Thank you, Sister Julie, for encourgaing me to do my therapy even on the days I didn't want to...which were many. You are part of the reason I am walking so well today. I miss you guys...but I don't want to come back as a patient! Someone else can have my room!

My next CT scan is scheduled for 2 weeks from today (November 2nd). To those who continue to keep me in your prayers, please pray that this time nothing will show up on the scan and my physical healing will be complete! While I've handled chemo relatively well I'm getting tired of poisoning my body. I know the victory is coming...I just don't know when. Only God knows the timing and what is best for me. Thank you for your continued prayer support. It's why I feel so good!

October 7, 2007

2007-10-07T10:43:00.000-07:00

It's a very warm day today. Where did fall go? This is a happy day. I just got finished making reservations to fly to Las Vegas in November for my newphew's wedding. It will be a mini vacation, as well. We will spend 3 nights at a hotel in Henderson (where my nephew's wedding will take place). Then, Mike and i will head downtown to Fremont St. for 2 nights. If you haven't seen the light show on Fremont St. in Las Vegas, you're missing it! Millions of laser lights in a canopy about 5 blocks long with music. The show varies and is shown on the hour (I think); each show is different. There are also artists on the sidewalks, live music for entertainment and just people watching (yikes!) -- some of the folks are strange indeed. The weather in Las Vegas should be wonderful in early November! It will be my first trip since I got sick and will be a dry run for my trip to Alaska in the spring. The picture with this entry was taken at Lake Mead when my nephew and I went sight-seeing there a couple of years ago.

I have no new medical news today; however, my leg is loosening up more each day. I can walk normally now (without a limp) unless I am exceptionally tired. God has given me more time (I pray a LOT more time). It's amazing how much joy a person can find in the small things. My sister said she read an article once and a question was posed in the article: "Would we live our lives differently if we were within walking distance of a graveyard?" My answer is an unequivocable YES!

October 2, 2007

2007-10-02T12:22:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was a good weekend. On Friday evening Mike and I attended our local high school football game for homecoming (Go Generals!). We won, and it was a fantastic, cool evening to be outside. The moon was full and beautiful. However, after the game was over we made the decision that I would try to walk to the car (which was about 100 miles away!) as we felt that with all of the people at the game Mike would never be able to find me in the crowd. Actually, it was about 1/2 mile or so away...I walked the entire distance. I commented to Mike that the muscles in my leg would surely be sore the next morning, but they were not! Who would have thought 1 year ago that I would EVER be able to walk this distance!

Please...never take the fact that you can walk for granted! I thought back to last year at around Thanksgiving time. My kids and grandkids were here for dinner. I tried my best, but Mike and Jeff did most of the dinner preparation (I had only been home from the nursing home for about 2-1/2 weeks at the time.) My cousin, Jon, and his wife stopped out and had dinner with us. After dinner I was demonstrating my ability to take about two steps without using my walker. My cousin Jon was a bit nervous about it but there was cheering all around when I was able to accomplish this feat! Praise God...what a difference a year makes!

Our youngest grandson, Robert, spent the day and the night with Mike and I on Saturday night. I got to spend some real quality time with him. He is getting big too fast. He started kindergarten this year and was showing off his handwriting and mat abilities. Wouldn't it be nice if time could stand still when our grandchildren are so young and so free of inhibitions? We had a fantastic time!

Yesterday morning bright and early (8:15 a.m.) I had my routine visit with my oncologist. He continues to feel that I am doing extremely well. My blood counts are up; I feel stronger every week. My spirits remain high, though he did give me some news that made me a little discouraged. He was in contact with my surgeon regarding a possible liver resection at my request. My surgeon does not think a liver resection would be a good idea in view of the infection I had in my leg last year. He feels that it would be too risky. I'm not too sure why he feels this way, but I am going to make an appointment to talk with him about it. While I have implicit trust in my surgeon (after all, he was the only one who thought I "deserved a chance at life" last year), a second opinion by a liver specialist may be in order. Of course, since we serve a Mighty God surgery might not even be necessary!

I start on my next round of Xeloda (chemo pills) this Friday. I go back to the oncologist's office in 3 weeks just to have blood counts taken. In about 5 weeks I am scheduled for a CT scan to make sure the Xeloda is doing what the oncologist thinks it is doing (his words). Please pray for me that this scan would be clean! While I am tolerating this chemo medicine quite well, it is still poison. It be wonderful if I could cease any form of chemotherapy. That is the miracle my family and I are praying for.

I continue to have neuropathy in my hands and feet, but I think it is getting slightly better with time.

Although I was a little bit discouraged yesterday after hearing the news regarding the liver resection, I'm pretty much back to myself today. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my journal.

WE SERVE A GOD OF MIRACLES!

September 22, 2007

2007-09-22T15:10:00.000-07:00

It is another beautiful day! Autumn will soon be here in all of its colorful, glorious splendour. I continue to grow stronger daily. Yesterday we had a busy day. We ran errands for about 3 hours, came home, ate dinner, and then attended our local high school football game. After the game was over I walked more than 1/4 mile to the car. My husband offered to pick me up, but I told him that it would be good therapy for me to walk to the car. Needless to say, I was tired by the time we got there and the muscles in my upper leg are hurting somewhat today. Hurting muscles is a good thing! It means I gave them a workout.

It was an incredible night to be outside. I saw 2 old friends and work associates at the game who I haven't seen since long before my illness. Thank you, Stacy and Dawn for not saying I am skinny (even though I am). Saying the word thin is ok, but the word skinny makes me feel self-conscious. I lost a lot of weight during my illness and throughout my 6 months of infused chemotherapy (FOLFOX6 + Avastin). My lowest weight (while on chemo) was 111. I'm happy to say I'm now up to 124 and gaining weight weekly. Thank you for not looking shocked when you saw me!

I have one more day of chemo pills to take, then I will be off for 11 days -- woohoo! So far, this chemo regimen has been good with very few side effects. I am very encouraged by this. If it weren't for the neuropathy in my feet and hands (chemo related) I would feel almost normal! Making that statement is just one more miracle in a list of MANY!

I'll try to post here several times weekly and if there is any new news about my health. Thank you all for taking the time to read this and for your continued prayers and support.

September 12, 2007

2007-09-12T09:45:00.002-07:00

I went to the doctor's office this morning to get my blood levels checked before restarting on my oral chemotherapy pills, Xeloda. My chemo break was wonderful and I packed a lot of fun stuff in. My blood levels are great so the break was good for that, too. My doctor decided to put me on a lower dose of Xeloda. My old dose was 14 days on and 7 days off of the drug. He has switched me to 10 days on and 11 days off just because he thinks I'm ready to switch to the lower dose. This is a very good thing because usually I start to feel a bit dumpy and tired about mid way through my second week on the drug (day 10 or 11). I was ecstatic!

It is a beautiful crisp, sunny, autumn day here in the Midwest. Autumn is my favorite season and I missed it in its entirety last year as I went in the hospital on September 7th and did not return to my home until November 6th. I plan to enjoy every color, smell, sound and taste of this -- my favorite season. The pumpkins are sitting in the fields; the apples are ripe; the corn is turning brown; and the soybeans will be ready for harvest soon! It is incredible! I just go stand outside and enjoy the sun and the cool breeze on my face!

We serve a marvelous God! Isn't it awesome how He can make each season so beautiful?! Please check this out.

http://www.thesurvivormovie.com

One Year Later - September 11, 2007

2007-09-11T15:05:00.001-07:00

September 11th: It has been 6 years since our country has changed forever. It has been 1 year and 4 days since my critical illness began.

It is a beautiful, crisp day, just like it was 6 years ago when our county was attacked. May we NEVER forget!

It looks, smells, and sounds like autumn today. I missed autumn last year. I plan to enjoy every minute of it this year -- the crickets, the breeze, the sun, the brisk feeling in the air. Having had a close brush with death I truly appreciate the majesty of God's universe more now than ever! Thank you, Father, for giving me life!

We continue to wait for His total healing.

Going Through The Storm

2007-09-11T12:14:00.000-07:00

I will start by explaining the beginning of my journey up to the present. In the spring of 2006 I left my home for personal reasons and went to stay with a very dear friend in the Las Vegas area. When I left my home I was not feeling real well, but attributed it to stress due to things going on in my life.

While I was in Henderson I started feeling worse, had no energy, and had very little appetite. I still attributed this to stress, but decided that I should return home to visit my doctor. On the way home I totaled my car in western Colorado! I was by myself. Thank God my family had purchased an AAA membership for me before I left as I had to rent a vehicle to complete my journey home. It was a tough drive. I was sore. I was tired. Miraculously, though, I was not hurt! You should have seen my car!

Please click on this link to listen to a beautiful instrumental with video for all who are going through a difficult time: http://www.andiesisle.com/He-Will-Be.html

At the beginning of August 2006 I went to the doctor's office, expecting him to tell me I had (at the worst) diverticulitis or colitis. I was very surprised when he advised to go to the emergency room that day. My husband drove me to the emergency room where I underwent myriad tests, and the doctors started mentioning the word "cancer". I was admitted to the hospital. While in the hospital I underwent surgery for a temporary colostomy. I also had numerous biopsies on the rectal tumor I had, and all biopsies taken came back negative.

I came home from the hospital after 10 days to recuperate from my surgery before having surgery in mid-September to remove the tumor. I was recuperating well from the surgery, although I had unexplained pain in my right buttocks which felt muscular in nature. On September 6th when I got out of bed I could hardly walk, due to extreme pain in my right leg as well as a lot of swelling. I called my surgeon and told him I could not make it in for a scheduled pre-op appointment because I was in too much pain. The appointment was rescheduled for the following day.

September 7, 2006: This is where everything gets very fuzzy, and I had to rely on family members to tell me what happened as I remember almost nothing for the next 2-3 weeks. I am totally relying on notes that family members took now. My husband somehow got me into the car and to the doctor's office. The nurse practitioner looked at my leg, paged the surgeon who was at the hospital, and told my husband to take me directly to the emergency room as my leg did not look good. I spent 12 hours in the emergency room undergoing more tests.

As it turned out the pain and swelling in my leg was caused by necrotizing fasciitis (more commonly known as flesh-eating bacteria). The tumor had somehow leaked into my leg causing this hideous infection comprised of staph, strep, and e-coli, in addition to other bacteria. That night my husband called family members to inform them that I was going into emergency surgery where they would probably amputate my leg from the hip down. When my mother received this news it sent her into a "whirlwind" (her words). She immediately began interceding for me in prayer for several hours. When my husband called her after the surgery he informed her that they did not take my leg, but that I might die within 24-48 hours. Things were that serious. If, by some chance, I did survive and was able to keep my leg I would never walk again. The "best case" scenario at that point was that I would live a "short" life in a nursing home and that my family should start looking for nursing homes that took patients who were on a ventilator. Between September 7th and September 10th I had 3 surgeries to try to clean up the infection. At that point, the doctors thought the infection was under control. It would be shown in the next few days that this was not the case after all. I spent the next 18 days or so in intensive care hooked up to a ventilator.

September 13th: My primary care physician said that the cancer is very serious and aggressive. He also said that I would not be ready for chemotherapy for a long time, if at all. He said that I needed to have an appetite and be in condition to start chemotherapy.

September 15th: Both the surgeon and the PCP agreed that there was improvement, but I was still in critical condition. They tried for the second time to wean me off the vent. I was able to move my feet and my toes and answered questions with a weak nod.

September 16th: My mother asked the nurse how I was doing. The nurse said "so-so". They removed the Wound-Vac so they could keep a closer eye on the infection. The nurse said there should not still be all of the "dead tissue" on my leg.

September 17th: The decision was made to do another liver biopsy which would be very risky. The infection was still out of control and I was becoming weaker. Surgery to remove the tumor and biopsy was scheduled for September 18th.

September 18th: This is an email that my sister sent to some of the many people who had been praying for me since this nightmare began. "Of the emails I have written, I think that this may be the most difficult to write. Pam is facing a major surgery which is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. In this surgery they plan to do four things: (1) Remove the tumor. This involves the lower colon/bowel/rectum area and perhaps other organs as well. (2) Do a biopsy on her liver. (3) Perform a trachaeotomy. This will be done so that the ventilator which she has been breathing through for the past 10 days can be removed from her mouth and attached to the side of the trach. They say that this can be reversed in the future, and that Pam can talk with it if and when she gets better. (4) Treat the site of the wound to remove dead skin and tissue. Pam has continued to grow weak and this will be a difficult surgery for her. I was so relieved to find her actually looking at me and making eye contact today. When I spoke with her, I knew SHE was there! She does respond and tries to communicate. It is frustrating for her because I know she wants to tell us things. She tried using the letter board today, but her mind won't connect with the spelling. SHE NEEDS A MIRACLE.

I will add here that most of the doctors were not in favor of surgery. However, I was blessed to have a surgeon who was willing to "give me a chance". I was not expected to live anyway.

September 19th (post surgery): Surgery went extremely well. The tumor was "bulky" and filled the pelvic area where it had made a perforation which caused the infection. The surgeone commented to my family that I was "lucky" because the tumor was partially encased, which made it easier to remove without further spreading of the cancer. (Most of my family are Christians and we KNOW that "luck" was not involved here). They also performed a trachaeotomy. There was no "structural damage" to the leg. The tumors in the liver were not as big or widespread as they initially thought. Their main concern at that point was to get me strong enough to get off of the ventilator. I was now "in a race" between recovery and cancer because I had to be strong enough to endure chemotherapy. I would probably be on a ventilator for the next couple of weeks.

Also September 19th (another email to people who had been praying for me): "Glory to the compassionate God of all comfort! We got good news from the surgeons today. Here is the summary: (1) The cancer is not as involved as they feared it might be. They took part of the rectum, part of the lower intestine, and the appendix and gallbladder. They could not get it all, however. Some was left behind and will be treated with chemo when Pam gets stronger. (2) They found the places where the infection was leaking into her system and sutured them off. (3) The trachaeotomy was successful, and the doctor said they will take it out before she leaves the hospital. That's the good news. She still has many challenges ahead of her with ongoing cancer treatment and dealing with the wound on her leg. They said it might be several weeks before she can come off the ventilator. The outlook is for intensive therapy and possibly a rehab center after she leaves the hospital. But that is a ways down the road. The doctor also said that it will now be a race between recovery and the tumor, meaning that her cancer can't be treated further until she has recovered sufficiently to be able to deal with it. So, obviously, God has chosen to allow us more time with her, so we will be praying for a quick and complete recovery. He said that we now have the upper hand, and that she has better than a 50% chance for survival. Again, we know that Pam's life is in the hands of her merciful Father and He knows how many days all of us will have on the earth. She has turned a major corner today and we are all so glad that this day is behind us. We can't begin to say how much your concern and prayers have meant to us. We have surely felt the power of the Lord holding us in His arms. We are very tired."

September 21st: The respiratory therapist told my mother that I had been breathing on my own. Mom's comment here was that I looked better than I had since coming to the hospital. Even though I was totally "out of it" I asked mom where my books were as I am an avid reader. Obviously, at that point I was in no condition to be able to read books, but my brain still knew that I love to read! (I always have a book with me whether at home, in the car, or at the doctor's office.) Later that day I woke up ("wide-awake" as my mother writes). I asked a few questions about my time in the hospital and was shocked at the answers. In the evening I told my son, Brian, that the pain was "better today than yesterday". He thought it was a good sign that I was remembering yesterday and remembered who was at the hospital today.

September 22nd: The WoundVac was placed back on my leg as the doctor thought it looked good enough. (A WoundVac is basically a machine that they placed on my leg with suction to try and remove the infection. They are used frequently for burn patients.)

I will add here that I developed a condition called ICU psychosis. Basically that means that I was "crazy" (my words). I was a tree for a while. I was going to be roasted for a doctor's Thanksgiving dinner for a while. The hospital I was in was previously a cruise ship and somehow all of the attendants on the cruise ship became my nurses. I couldn't understand how my family could keep flying to the Bahamas (or wherever I was) to visit me. I could list many, many more nightmares. In hindsight some of these things are humorous, but I had TERRIBLE nightmares about all kinds of things. I really don't know how long this condition lasted. I do know that I was awake for 4 days and the doctors finally had to give me medication to "knock me out". My primary care physician was extremely concerned that I would not come out of the psychotic state without permanent brain damage.

September 25th: I was finally disconnected from the ventilator. I was very awake and alert and asking for my sister, Julie. They sat me in a chair for about 1/2 hour. Hmmmm. I guess this is the day I started pulling tubes out because I thought I was going home. Here's a note from mom: "Brian came in at 3:20. It seems like we can't please her. Good sign!"

September 26th: This is my son's note: "Mom has been in a very good mood today. They put her in her chair. She has been exercising her leg and foot. She seems less confused today. She is lots better behaved." Hmmmm.

September 27th: My blood sugar became very low and I was put on insulin, but only for a short period of time. My trachaeotomy was adjusted so I could talk. My mom's note: "She is still a little confused at times, but most often she is talking rationally."

September 30th: My sister's note: "Wow, I thought Pam was pretty scary today. I guess she needs to sleep. It's very sad." Hmmm.

October 2nd: My son's note: "The nurse said that mom did good today. She is walking more (keep in mind that I'm not supposed to have a leg, let alone be walking!) She slept well last night. (I couldn't figure out why every time someone came to visit they asked how well I was sleeping and said that I should get some sleep -- see note above about not sleeping for 4 days.) They are taking her off of the sleeping meds. The doctors said that because of the trach, wound, and being in bed so much she is a prime candidate for pneumonia."

October 3rd: My mom's note: "Cancer started on colon and is now in liver. The cancer cannot be cured but is 99% treatable. There is a danger of infection. Her oxygen level is low. She has an unknown infection which can likely be cured." I said 'If you can't cure infection, just give me pain medication. I do not want CPR to stay alive.' The infection is a major problem now as it is a difficult infection to treat."

October 9th: A few excerpts from yet another email written by my sister: "Thank you so much for holding my sister up in your prayers. I cannot even tell you how strongly I feel the prayer support of caring people like you. Going through something like this certainly has the effect of tenderizing us to the plights of those experiencing various kinds of adversity. I am sure that from now on I will respond differently in prayer when I hear of someone's need. I do have a good report. One of the doctors who has been taking care of Pam for the month she has been hospitalized referred to her as his miracle patient. Pam is talking, eating and yes, even walking! The physical therapist had said earlier that she would never use her leg again. She walked about 40 feet down the hallway this morning using the leg that isn't supposed to be working. When asked how she was able to do this the physical therapist replied that she didn't know! The physical therapist, Sister Julie, said that her progress was definitely a miracle. Her leg is really healing. I could not believe the difference I saw in it from the last time I had been there. Pam said it is almost as if she could feel it healing. This is really good. The wound has to heal before she can have chemo on the tumor(s) that remain. But then, healing a tumor is not too difficult for God either. Mom made some chicken and dumplings for Pam tonight because she said the food is terrible. What a joy it was to try and figure out what we could make for her. She is struggling emotionally because of having been there for over a month now and not knowing when she will be released or what is coming next. She has asked for prayers for her feelings of being blue.

Mid-October 2006 until October 30, 2006: Now I can remember things! I had more surgery for skin grafts to my leg. They removed skin from my back and the side of my leg to accomplish this. The grafts to my leg extend from below the knee to the top of my hip on the front of the leg, approximately 2" wide, and from below the knee to the top of my waist on the back of the leg, again approximately 2" wide. The worst part of this surgery was where the skin was taken from my back. It was extremely painful. I was in the burn care unit of the hospital because of the WoundVac I had on my leg. What a stellar group of nurses! We became so close because of the amount of time I spent in their care. They even came in some nights during the World Series to watch parts of the games with me. Their comment was always "Party in Pam's room!" One of the nurses would stand post outside the door in case someone else needed their attention. I was very pampered. On or around October 28th, the trach was removed. I was able to speak normally after about 5 minutes. The nurses were shocked and said they had never seen anything like it.

October 30, 2006: This was a bittersweet day for me. I was being discharged from the hospital where I had been so lovingly cared for to a nursing home for physical rehabilitation. I cried and the nurses cried when I left. I had pleaded and the nurses had pleaded for me to be able to have my intensive physical therapy while in the hospital, but we were denied by the insurance company. When I was taken on a gurney to the ambulance for transfer to the nursing home and I exited the hospital I asked the ambulance attendants to stop so I could just feel and smell the air outside. What a marvelous feeling!

I would like to add here that during my hospital stay, and even now, many people have had a burden to pray for me daily, some from as far away as Canada, England, and Africa. I sincerely believe that the reason I am still alive is due to the prayer warriors who were and are in constant prayer vigil. I will never be able to thank them enough.

October 31, 2006: It is Halloween, I am in a nursing home, and I hate it! I asked my husband to take me home, knowing full well that would be a stupid thing to do, but at the time I didn't care. So...here I was for physical rehabilitation. One positive thing was that the morning after my arrival my roommate (an elderly woman with Alzheimer's Disease) was sent to another part of the nursing home where she could be watched more closely. I had the room to myself the entire time I was there (another small miracle). Whenever ANYONE visited I asked them to take me outside just so I could feel and smell the air. I didn't care that it was cold -- it was wonderful just to be outside! My niece, Grace, finally got to see her "Aunt PammySue". She wanted to visit me SO many times in the hospital but she was too young. I also got to see my grandsons for the first time in 2 months! Children can make you laugh and smile no matter how depressed you are!

November 6, 2006: I begged the nursing home staff to obtain approval for me to go home. When I was not in actual physical therapy and nobody was there to visit all I did was lay in bed. I figured that I would get more therapy at home by getting up and down throughout the day. I was right. Also, since they have plastic mattresses on the beds in a nursing home with just a sheet over them, the skin graft sites on my back broke down, so I was back to square one with the healing on my back. Ouch! (It is HOT in a nursing home!)

November 7 - mid December 2006: I had a nurse coming in 3 times a week to change the dressing on my leg. This was a big job as the dressing changes took nearly an hour. On the days that the nurse was not there, Mike was trained how to do this. He was so scared at first as this was an extremely complicated dressing change, but he did good! I also had a physical therapist 3 times per week for about 3 weeks. When I came home I had 10 degrees of flexion in my right leg and they were able to work me up to around 45 degrees of flexion during that period of time.

Now we will skip to the cancer treatment.

December 12, 2006 - June 13, 2007: I underwent a rigorous regimen of chemotherapy on the FOLFOX6 + Avastin treatment. I remember being so incredibly scared on my first visit...not knowing what to expect...how I would feel...if I would lose my hair. The chemotherapy was brutal, there is no way to sugarcoat that. I went on Wednesdays for treatment and then wore a pump for 48 hours after that for constant infusion of the chemo drugs. About Friday after each treatment the diarrhea and cramping set in. The cramping was horrible. This lasted for 4-5 days. I can only define it by saying that it felt like labor pains with no baby! For the most part I remained upbeat, but I did have my weepy days and the "why me" days.

June 19, 2007: I was asked to attend a tent meeting revival of sorts and share my testimony of all the miracles that God has performed on my behalf. Wow, was I nervous leading up to that day. There would be ministers from as far away as Africa in attendance. I finally decided not to prepare anything...just to trust God to give me the words. It was one of the most awesome experiences of my life. The congregation laughed at times, cried at times, and some even cheered because of God's wondrous love and abounding miracles on my behalf. I'm just thankful I had my wonderful, loving sister standing by my side to help me fill in a few of the blanks. My mom was in attendance. It made her feel so proud to have her 2 daughters in the pulpit, side by side, sharing God's goodness!

End of June 2007: I went to the hospital for a CT scan and bloodwork to check CEA levels (a tumor marker blood test). The following week I went back to the doctor fully expecting that my miracle would be complete and the cancer would be gone. This was not how it happened, however. The tumors on my liver shrunk significantly during treatment (the largest went from 3.7 cm to 1.4 cm), but it was still there! At that time, the doctor put me on an oral chemotherapy drug called Xeloda. When I got home from the doctor's office that day I indulged in a true pity party! I didn't even tell anyone about it for a day or two after my appointment.

Mid August 2007: I am on a chemo break! I suggested it to my oncologist and he said that it wouldn't hurt, in fact it may even help because my platelets would have a chance to rebound. Platelets become an issue the further you get in your chemo regimen. It feels wonderful to take this break.

September 1, 2007: What a wonderful day! We are celebrating my birthday today with an outdoor barbecue and live music in my own back yard. We have called this party "A Celebration of Life". The food is wonderful, the day is beautiful. We have over 60 people here to celebrate with us! My sister's praise and worship group is singing. My niece is singing a beautiful old hymn called "I'll Fly Away". They are also performing my new theme song which is called "I Am Free". You can find the words by doing a search on the web. I even got up and sang with them the second time they did that song. Oh boy, I sure feel sorry for those of you who had to hear my voice. I am NOT a singer, but I totally enjoyed it. My family worked so incredibly hard to pull this event together. You all will NEVER know how much it means to me. This is one of the most incredible days of my life! In 6 days it will be one year since my family received the grim news that I probably would not make it for 48 hours!

September 10, 2007: I spent the day with a dear friend today. It was the first time I spent an entire day with a friend since all of this started last year! Thank you, Kathy!

Miscellaneous thoughts to the present time: I have said all of that to say this. OUR GOD IS STILL IN THE HEALING BUSINESS! I am LIVING proof of that. Over the past year I have grown so close to Him. Up until my illness I basically accepted Him on my terms. Now I realize that everything happens for a purpose and in HIS time. If that is what comes from my incredible journey up to the present...it is enough! God is enough! When we are down and out and have nothing, He REALLY is all we need!

My thanks to all of you who have been lifting me up in prayer daily for the past year. I'm still here! Sometimes when I think of all of the support I have received I just shake my head in amazement (or cry). If it weren't for all of you, I truly believe I would not be here writing this today.

A special thanks to all of my immediate family members: Mike, Jeff, Brian, Mom, Julie and family, and Nancy. I put all of you through a horrific time last year, but you were ALL up to the challenge I presented. Thank you for your encouragement, your help, your prayers, and your love. I will never in this lifetime be able to repay you for your sacrifices day after day after day.

To everyone else -- If you sent a card I got it; if you prayed for me I received the victory from it; if you sent a meal we ate it and enjoyed it thoroughly; if you cleaned my house I appreciated it.

Finally, most of those who know me also know my mother, or you have heard me speak of her. Interestingly, 2007 marks her 30th anniversary of being a cancer survivor miracle. That is another long story! She is my "proof positive" that you CAN beat this disease and live a long life if you have God. Mom turned 80 this year. Her miracle occured when she was 50! Way to go, mom!

I will try to keep this blog current in order to avoid sending out a lot of emails. Thank you for taking the time to read it. Please post comments of you choose. I love comments and emails.